I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
