Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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