So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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