Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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