$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
