Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
