Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
