I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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