I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
