So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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