Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
