Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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