Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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