bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
