While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
