Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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