I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
