I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
