Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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