I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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