There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
