let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
