actually, I'm a sock model
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
