The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
