Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I party with great urgency now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
