i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
