Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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