remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
