why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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