Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
