i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
