Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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