Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
