bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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