if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
