i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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