Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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