singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
