dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
