I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
