ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
In America we eat man semen.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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