i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
