i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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