Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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