after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
