You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
