We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Houston, we have a squirter
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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