How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
