Sry I called you an 8
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
