i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
