I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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