Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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