Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
