I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's blow job season.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
