in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
