I want you more than these girls want KFC
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize