i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
