I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
