i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
honey bunches of taint.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
