I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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