Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize