You're completely useless in the revolution.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
