she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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