every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
