i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
