I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bring me that man meat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
