It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
