he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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