I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Welp...herpes.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
