Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
