its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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