You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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