I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
