my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There's always time for handjobs
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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