apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
