i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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